Day 126: What time is it?

245:32-247:9

It's interesting that today's (or should I say yesterday's) reading is about time. Last night in bed I thought, now which of my daily tasks did I miss. I can feel it but I can't remember. I thought I must have done my journal but I couldn't remember the subject material. Then I knew I forgot. But I seem to be reading ahead without meaning to. So today's reading had already had a one over in my mind. But I can definitely see that I'm ready to cover more than one day's reading and catch up to where I should be. Not sure if it really matters but that's my goal.

So today is about time, chronology, age, and the resulting decline. I think as a CSer, giving up of time or chronology is hard because it had so much sentiment and nostalgia to it. My baby's birthday. Great grandma on another mother's day with the rest of the mothers. High school graduation. All the events marked in the family bible. Who wants to give these up?  Who wants to forget where we have been or what challenges we overcame?

But with all this focus on back there, I'm terrible at living in the moment, quieting the mind and listening. All that stuff back there is distracting and doesn't have much to do with my relationship to God. And the regrets from back there weight on me and I can't progress. This year I have had tremendous regrets about choices I've made in the past. I need to perhaps not forget it, but learn from it and put it back on the shelf and go on. Which I haven't done yet. 

The story of the woman and her teeth always gives me hope. The prior moment when she didn't have teeth didn't matter. It wasn't real. She was made whole and complete and she realized that state. She was in the moment, not as history saw her but as she was.